Adventures in Munching, Travel, Misc.

Yes, I'm posting again before Tuesday ends! Threats of beatings do wonders it seems. Well, crap. I just looked back and realized I last posted two weeks ago Tuesday. I was thinking that post was for the following week though, because I had already posted that week earlier. Does this make sense or am I in trouble?

Anyway, last week was busy for me, I made a trip to San Diego for two nights/three days to spank some naughty bottoms, but also did one bottoming session with a friend there which was fun.

Naughty Boy Mike Caned & Paddled by the Principal for Cheating on A Test - Video for www.lilystarr.com

Lily Punished by Stepdad for Breaking Curfew - Role Play

With Robert's blessing (of course), my friend in the second picture took me out on Friday night to check out a TNG munch down there. I really wanted to go, it involved sushi, my favorite, I'd never been to a munch, and it sounded fun. However, as I have found when trying to attend BDSM events at other times, I just do not fit in with that culture. It's entertaining to observe, but it's not MY scene. Spankos really are a distinct breed. Yes, I know spanking is a BDSM activity, I'm not one of those who argues that, but for whatever reason, the tone of our social events is different.

It's not that people weren't nice, they were, and several even took the initiative to introduce themselves which I certainly appreciate. But I ended up sitting off to the side with my friend most of the time, not feeling like I belonged, much like attending a vanilla event with nice people. Part of it could be that I'm already known and accepted in the spanking community, whereas the BDSM folks don't know me from Eve. I am shy, and it definitely helps when people already feel some familiarity when approaching me and we have clear common ground from the get go. Yes, I do like to be the movie star, in juxtaposition with said shyness. Also, meeting at a restaurant like that rather than a play party was odd for me. You have the knowledge that everyone is kinky, but the setting is vanilla. I don't know, I don't think munches are my thing, maybe not even if they were for spanking enthusiasts. It was a really cool patio space and there were tons of people there. Probably a great event if it is your thing.

Overall, the munch experience was kind of a fail for me, as far as connecting with anyone new, and the place never brought us our sushi order. So, we went to my favorite sushi spot in the area instead and shared a couple of bomb rolls, then went back to my hotel where I bartered with my friend a custom spanking clip for a massage to help me sleep as he's a licensed therapist. Yeah, I kinda love my job sometimes, I had to get spanked and then massaged before resting up for the drive home, what a deal. Good end to my working vacation, and since the trip went well and as I discussed in my last post I am looking to focus more on my private session work this year, I plan to make monthly visits to SD as long as I have work to support it.

I love it there, if you have to be stuck in traffic, this is certainly the ideal view!

Robert and I also have a move in the works for this year, we plan to buy a house by summer. It's currently up in the air whether we will have to stay where we are or may be able to move a bit closer to the Temecula area. Personally, I am very much hoping for the latter option because our location right now is simply inconvenient for everything, but it will depend mainly on his work, whether he is able to transfer to that area.

After I got home, Robert's day off was Sunday and we went down to the Palm Springs area to catch a movie and eat (more for me!) sushi. The sushi wasn't very good, we will probably not visit that place again. It's difficult to find decent and decently priced sushi in the desert. The movie we saw, Flight, was good I thought, but a bit darker than we expected going in. Denzel Washington turned in a great performance as an alcoholic/drug addict/pathological liar. I won't spoil it or anything, but it made me cry so much that my eye makeup was ruined for dinner! Also, I may panic the next time I try to go on an airplane flight.

The American Horror Story season finale is this week! I admit I'm kind of obsessed and nerdy about that show. I have a lot of fun trying to guess what will happen and watching it play out in shock, awe, and horror. It's not a perfect show, they have kind of pissed me off with anticlimactic endings to the story lines this season, but there is nothing else like it on TV and I enjoy it. Plus, it's very kinky!

My bad Chihuahua won't stop barking at our obnoxious neighbors, so I'm going to wrap this up because he's not allowing me to think.

My Bad Chihuahua, Buster -  He's Also An Activist

Next time, I plan to write about my journey as a spanko, submission, and what it means to me in my current real life DD relationship vs. my original fantasy of seeking a DD relationship. Same time, same channel!

Spanking Career 2.0

I've been having a lot of thoughts and feelings lately about what I do for work. I originally got into the spanking video industry because spanking is one of my very favorite things in the world, as is acting. I always dreamed of being a movie star, since I was a little girl. This gave me the opportunity to live that dream, but in such a small community circle that I am still unknown to the general population. I like it that way, because I might lose my mind if I couldn't walk down the street without being harassed, ever. 

Me with an awesome giant statue of Marilyn Monroe in Palm Springs last weekend

Sarah Gregory Spanking and Lily Starr Spanking Collaboration

Videos are so much fun. I've gotten to act out nearly every spanking fantasy I could ever imagine, and then some. The community has been amazing, welcoming me with open arms, and laps, at all the parties I've been able to attend. I've been fortunate enough to work with some really amazing models, many of the top names in the scene plus newcomers who will soon be top names in the scene. I didn't get to do this because I offer lucrative sums of money, but because they are real spankos and good friends who were happy to work with me and help me out. That means so much, and anyone who thinks fetish models are all shallow greedy bitches is so sorely mistaken. I've also received so much support from the community as a whole and I appreciate the hell out of all of this. I love what I do.

Spanking Ten Amorette for Lily Starr Spanking

Spanking Alex Reynolds for Lily Starr Spanking & Alex in Spankingland

Spanked by Stevie Rose for www.lilystarr.com

There are many more, I can't post all of them in one blog, but yes, I've been really lucky to work with the best.

So, what's the problem? Repetition. There are only so many good spanking video scenarios. I've done pretty much all of the traditional ones, from both the top and bottom perspective and sometimes redone with small tweaks to make it a little different with a different model. I've also done lots of more unusual scenes. Yes, occasionally I still have a somewhat original idea that I get excited to film, or sometimes there will be a real issue Robert needs to spank me for, though most of our play happens off camera, so sometimes there are things to film. However, the video business is somewhat like getting on a treadmill. You can't stop turning out content if you want to make a living at it. And while I love being able to hire other models to shoot, even at the low end rates I'm able to pay I have to put a large percentage of my profits right back into the shoots, especially once travel and a hotel for shooting is factored in. Sales aren't that great, clips4sale and Spanking Library both take 40%, it's just tough. It's a lot of effort to make just a few hundred bucks each month, not even enough for financial independence. The rate at which I need to make videos for it to make sense for me to keep going is not conducive to creativity. Not to mention that as I age, I realize I will likely be less marketable. We can't all be Erica Scott. I need a long term plan and I need to stop and regroup.

 “I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away.”
-Heath Ledger 

Just walk away? No, probably not entirely. But I do need to get back to having fun with it and that may mean a step back. It shows in the videos if you're really having fun and not just going through the motions. I've made around 300 videos since I started in 2008. That's an awful lot. I wanted to be a spanking video star and producer, I've done that now. I'm not quitting altogether, I know I would be unhappy if I did that. This is more of a refocus. I often toy with the idea that I should just give up all this nonsense, find security in a steady vanilla job and move on. But I honestly can't see myself doing that either. 

Fun Joker Kidnapping/Spanking vid I did with Kyle Johnson & Kat St James in 2009

The answer? For me, for now, it's private sessions. I have been doing these for a few years now, and have always seen it as a supplement to my video work/income. The truth is, the sessions are a lot more rewarding financially. They are also rewarding emotionally since I get to meet a lot of great spankos, and give them something that they truly need. The best is when I meet someone shy who has never ever been spanked before and has come to me for that first experience, what an honor! They give me the opportunity to travel. I'm always meeting new people and trying new things. I realized recently that it would probably make sense for now for me to step off that content production treadmill, breathe a bit, and make the sessions more of my main occupation with videos as a little fun thing I do on the side, rather than the other way around. There are still a few models I'd love to shoot with, or shoot with again, but right now I think the majority of the shooting I do will be content share shoots with friends. And I won't shoot a video unless it's a concept that really appeals to me, something I will enjoy making and sharing and not just a job. Art can't be just a job or it will be bad art. It needs passion. I need to get that passion back and I think this is the way to do it. Quality over quantity.

Session with my friend TJ in Chicago

Bottom line: I'm going to be marketing myself more as a pro switch (and mostly a Top) than a video model. I will still occasionally put out videos, when I want to and have something worth filming. I will always be up for helping out friends who need content and want to collaborate and share. I'm still open to shooting with any company that would like to hire me. It just won't be the main thing I do, the thing I need to do to survive. 

Hmm

Changed my mind, I don't think I will use this to air all of my personal business, that just wouldn't be appropriate. Those anonymous blogging days are over. They were fun and served a purpose as an outlet that I really needed at the time. This is a new chapter of life and trying to get back something from the past never works.

Not that I have readers anyway, I suppose I sort of screwed that up by not posting for YEARS.

Please bear with me as I try to get the hang of this and find my groove. :-)

Back to Blogging

Robert saw my post the other night, so now I must start updating regularly, because he's the boss of me. I wanted to do it anyway and needed that little bit of motivation, so it's a good thing. We agreed on once a week, by Tuesday each week since my last post was on Tuesday. I think this is fair and a good schedule to keep my blog active. I just hope I can think of enough things to write about to keep it going and not get into trouble! I have a few posts rattling around in my head already, so should be safe for at least a month.

Blogging is something I've enjoyed for years, since long before I was active in the spanko community. My first was a vanilla Blogspot account, over ten years ago. Then I moved over to Blurty for awhile, and finally LiveJournal when everyone pretty much abandoned Blurty. I used them as a diary and to vent, shared my deepest secrets and personal feelings that nobody offline knew about or could know about. They were private and I would have been mortified if anyone I actually knew were able to read them. I enjoyed a fair amount of popularity and a pretty good following, even met some friends from those sites in real time. Unfortunately, the more people who actually knew me who read my blogs, the harder it was for me to be open and honest about my feelings because I started fearing what they would think of me or of what I said about them if I was talking about something we did together. My blog suffered as a result, became less interesting, and eventually I stopped writing altogether. I've tried a few times to keep a spanking related blog but insecurity and worrying what my peers will think has made that difficult too. In the past my spanking "blogs" have turned into a place to post fantasy stories I wrote rather than anything about my personal feelings.

Is this boring? Do I sound stupid or ignorant? Why would anyone care about the trivialities of my life, thoughts, and feelings? Who do I think I am anyway? How many "I"s have I written in this post? What a lame self absorbed annoying...

Those are the thoughts in my head when I try to write about my life.

I share this now, because embarking on this journey I know I'm going to have a hard time with it for the same reasons. It's something I need to work on anyway, that fear that the real me will displease others, and I can't think of a better way to do that than writing and hopefully using this tool to interact with my friends and maybe even get to know them better, maybe even make new ones too. Hopefully my age and experience now will make it easier. I am much more comfortable in my own skin than I was ten years ago and it should only improve from here. Still, I am quite shy and insecure. I don't let what other people think change anything as far as who I am, what I believe, or what I do, but I certainly often let it keep me from voicing those things. It's a work in progress.

This blog is intended for my spanko friends, but I think it will be best if I can get back to using it as a sort of venting tool as well as a record of what I'm doing in my life currently. Not every post will necessarily be about spanking, though it will certainly be mentioned often as it's a huge part of my life from my relationship with Robert to my work.

The public nature of this site does cause me a little bit of hesitancy. I wouldn't want just any vanilla from the non-spanko part of my life to run across it. Is that a risk others consider? Do you think it's a legitimate concern or highly unlikely to have that happen?

In conclusion, here's a pretty picture of my New Year's Eve flowers that Robert surprised me with, because pretty pictures improve any post, right? :-)

2013

Happy New Year!

Obviously, I suck at blogging. Despite intentions of doing it more often, I haven't. Maybe it should be a New Year's resolution, everyone knows people keep those! ;-) More likely to be effective, maybe I should ask Robert to enforce some sort of updating schedule. I have a lot of thoughts I'd like to write down, but little discipline to pull them together and do so.

I believe my focus is going to shift a bit this year regarding my spanking business. More coming on that if and when I can organize the stuff on my mind into a proper blog update, and I earnestly mean to do it soon.

Anyway, for now I'm happy to report that I'm feeling very happy with life lately. My health has been lousy, but everything else is fantastic. I feel so loved, content, well spanked, and spoiled by my Daddy. I finally have everything I've always wanted in a relationship and love him so much, my soul mate. I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished work-wise the last few years and am thrilled to have collaborated and made friends with some amazing genuinely good spanko people. Now, with the insanity of the holidays finishing up, I'm doing a lot of thinking about where I want to go from here.

Alright, that will do for now. Baby steps.