Valentine's Day, Fifty Shades, and Diamonds Aren't Always a Girl's Best Friend

Gratuitous drop seat jammies caning shot ;-) 

I know everyone kinky has probably posted an analysis of this movie by now, but I've only read one of them so far, just saw it, and feel like talking about it. I like to talk about movies after I see them, and being as this was a kinky one, this seems the appropriate place. We weren't going to go see it, and I just announced last night that we were waiting for Redbox. I guess the curiosity got to us, because we wound up at a matinee today. I was somewhat disappointed because the main draw of seeing it in the theater was that I wanted to observe audience reaction, but our theater was not very full and people were for the most part quiet, aside from the occasional giggle. Most were also elderly, considering we were in Palm Springs, with the exception of the group of six teens who had to all show their IDs when we were waiting for tickets in line behind them. I thought they might be obnoxious since that has ruined horror movies for me before, but they were not.

So, about the movie.

The Good: All snark and over-analyzing aside, without expectations of Oscar quality anything, no, it's not a "good movie," but going in expecting a cheesy but sexy rom-com that happened to include themes of D/s, it basically delivered and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, OVERALL. I am very happy to hear that Christian Grey's creepy stalking behavior and disregard for consent was toned down compared to the books, but he still exhibited a whole lot of creepy stalking behavior! I didn't read the books, but I have read excerpts (the writing was terrible enough that I just couldn't bring myself to waste that much of my time reading all of it) and analysis so I have a general idea of how the books went and am glad they made him less rapey in the movie.

From a kink standpoint, there were some hot scenes. I very much enjoyed the spanking threats, "I'm so mad my palm is twitching!" and though they were laughably tame, the spanking and kinky sex scenes probably gave us more of that on film than anything else mainstream ever has. As a girl who grew up looking up spanking in the dictionary, clinging onto the slightest mention in books, movies, TV, stories old people would tell, waiting and hoping for the I Love Lucy episodes where she gets spanked to be replayed, rereading spanking passages in books over and over, fantasizing over just a threat of spanking in The Quiet Man, etc., it is really exciting to see this stuff on the big screen. I also liked both the leads. The Grey character definitely had shades of the ridiculous (and, of course, was a lot like Edward in Twilight, who I also found humorous in his over-seriousness and brooding), but short of rewriting the whole thing, I think it had to be played that way. I liked Dakota Johnson the most. I found her very watchable and thought she really nailed the sensual vulnerability while not being a doormat or afraid to challenge him. I liked the way she bit her lip and I liked the way he bit it too. I liked way more than I disliked for most of the movie.

The Bad: I still had some big issues. They did not tone down the "he's this way because he's all fucked up and let's hope the sweet vanilla girl saves him from this horror" aspect. I think it has been talked about enough that most know how the story goes, but just in case, spoilers ahead. For most of the movie, I was able to go along for the fantasy ride, and even be turned on by it, and while the fact that a Dom was basically using emotional and financial manipulation to try to convert a vanilla made me a little uncomfortable, she seemed to be conflicted but also enjoying it. It was hot.

Once one party in a D/s relationship is not cool with what's happening, it kills my boner, and that happened big time at the end. I also didn't like that he couldn't stand to be touched, that they made it seem like you could either be kinky or romantic (I am avidly both, TYVM,) and that to compromise he'd give her some romance if she'd let him beat on her. Then of course that isn't even good enough because she's freaking vanilla and doesn't want to be beat on at all. So, the end of the movie was blah. Why can't we ever have a movie about a kinky love story where the characters may be flawed, but no more than the average person, and find their bliss in kink together? Why can't we ever have a male Dom who is an engaging, awesome, relatively normal person who has this hot dirty little secret? Does there always have to be the qualifier of mental illness or childhood abuse?

At the end, when she leaves him outraged after she asks him to show her how a punishment spanking would feel and he obliges with six whole strokes of the belt, it truly felt like the message of the movie was that he was into this because there was something wrong with him and this poor sweet girl who had the misfortune to fall for him was justified in leaving because the things he wanted to do to her just weren't right. Now, to a degree, as it was presented in the movie, this is true. He should not have been trying to seduce a vanilla into this. You generally have about as much luck with that as "converting" a gay person. However, as we all know, this is a perfectly fantastic life choice, IF YOU HAVE A WILLING PARTNER. But they didn't point that out, they spent a lot of time on consent and contracts, but zero on the angle of compatibility between vanillas and kinksters not usually working out with no one at fault for it. Instead, they chose to paint him as disturbed, which for something that rivals Harry Potter in popularity, paints all of us that way to anyone uneducated who reads/watches it. I feel that my fears that it wouldn't do any favors for public perception of us were justified, and I left feeling a bit icky since it ended on that note.

Fifty shades of fucked up. That's ultimately how they portrayed it. He was horribly abused as a young child, only to be taken advantage of as a minor by a kinky Mrs. Robinson. That's why he's this way. It couldn't just be that HE'S KINKY AND THAT'S 50 SHADES OF OK!!!

The Ugly: Ok, I have to be a little snarky about certain things! Let's start with that last spanking scene. She asked him to do his worst, so she'd know what she was getting into regarding the punishments. So, he goes into his enormous playroom filled with implements such as canes and huge paddles, and he chooses a plain ol' belt. Now, of course, belts can hurt, a lot, but the paddles that were hanging right next to it looked far more severe. Then he only hit her six times with it, and she STILL flipped the fuck out? I guess that's why you don't try to spank vanillas. I got beaten 500 times worse than that last night, and it wasn't even a punishment.

Has this guy never heard of Fetlife or other dating sites where you can find someone seeking the same things? He seems to know everything about being a Dom, is supposedly brilliant and knows how to get anything he wants, even writes up contracts before play because he's so into covering all the bases, yet he's trying to convert random virgin vanilla girls into submissives? Silly. Also amusing to me was the emphasis he put on not drinking too much, while seeming to ALWAYS have wine whether he's drinking it or sharing it with Anastasia. In the first scene where he tops her, they show him taking a swig, he shouldn't have been drinking at that point, yet he flies to Georgia to chastise her over how many Cosmos she's having while chilling with her mom? Again, early on, I was digging this, it was hot how he went and got her from the club when he found out she was drunk, but the hypocrisy messed with my suspension of disbelief and ability to take him as seriously as he was taking himself, which was very, very seriously. But, you know, he was uber rich, bought her a car and had a plane, so it's ok. I can't help thinking that if a poor guy behaved the way he did, they would not be such female fantasy fodder, they'd be viewed as a creeper, and that makes me a little sad for it shows the shallowness of the average person.

Also, there is seriously nothing original in this movie. It felt like a mashup of 9 1/2 Weeks (which had a similar boner-killing ending), Twilight (puke), Secretary (Mr. Grey, really? LOL), and some shades (see what I did there?) of Pretty Woman. All superior films, Twilight excepted. This was better than Twilight, because kinky sex scenes.

Bottom Line: I can't help analyzing the crap out of everything, and this does not stand up to that. However, if you just want some kinky thrills and can turn off your brain for a couple hours, you will probably enjoy the sexy bits. I did, in spite of myself. :-)

Now, about Valentine's Day. I know a lot of people have really bitter feelings about it, calling it Singles Awareness Day and all that. I know this firsthand, because I used to be single. Back then, I decided that it was doing me no good to be bitter, and that while all holidays are commercialized and all that, a day full of hearts and flowers and basically devoted to love could not be all bad. Any given day is what you make it. You could spend it loving on your pets, or your kids, or your friends or family, or you could ignore it altogether if it's not your thing, but the spewing of hatred and disgust toward those who enjoy it, I never got on board with, even though I never got to celebrate with a sweetie until after I was with Robert, after I was 30 years old. Jealousy does no one any good, least of all yourself. You must embrace other people's happiness, not begrudge it, if you want to find your own.

So, yes, I spent 30 Valentine's Days alone or otherwise not celebrating, and I think I deserve this now. I had a great weekend with the love of my life, and I want to write about it and I'm not sorry! :-)

We were going to continue our 3rd annual tradition of going out for lunch, since dinner out is always a stupid mess on that day, yet lunch is not! We did, and my sweet Daddy had a gorgeous bouquet of stargazer lilies waiting at a table at the local sushi place we like, just like he did last year. I got all filled up on yummy fish, and had a heart-shaped rib eye steak at home that I had rubbed and marinated for a few days as well as a bottle of champagne ready for dinner and an evening of sexy time.

However, the last time I was in San Diego, I left my wedding ring to be sized, and it had been ready for over a week but I didn't have a trip back planned till the 24th. I had expressed separation anxiety and wanting it back, but didn't expect to actually get it any sooner. Robert surprised me and suggested we go get it! This made me super happy, but since we would be so close, I asked if we could go visit the beach for a little while too, because that also makes me super happy and it was a really beautiful day that would have been a shame to waste. Since this was spontaneous and we left in the afternoon, we were getting to the area just as the sun was going down, so I suggested we do the beach first so we could watch the sun set over the water. We got there not a moment too soon, and someone leaving the lot stopped us at the pay station and gave us their all day parking pass so we didn't even have to pay the $4 to park. RAK FTW, thanks nice guy!

I navigated us to Tamarack Beach in Carlsbad, because I discovered it a few months ago with my buddies Alex Mack and Kenneth Dukes, it is not too crowded, has bathroom facilities, cheap short term parking, is large, and is an easy fairly flat walk to the water which is important for my disabilities. Because it was a holiday, there were people there, but it was by no means uncomfortably crowded and finding a parking spot was no problem. There were a few bonfires, which was cool, and just people chilling, some in groups, some couples. We took a little walk on the beach and dipped our toes in the icy water before deciding to just plop down and take in the beauty, sand in the pants be damned. This also provided opportunity as we were leaving for Robert to make sure the sand was all off my pants by spanking it off my butt in public, hehe. I guess the sand on his pants was less important. :-p Anyway, it was rather magical. I love California so much, we were so very lucky to be able to spend an evening watching the sun set on the beach with only a light sweater on Valentine's Day

Then we headed over to the mall to pick up my ring. You know, I haven't really talked about my ring. It's a stunner, and I love it, a lot. What most don't know is that it isn't a diamond. I'm not "supposed" to tell you this. I'm "supposed" to be ashamed of this fact. According to the diamond industry. But you know what, I'm not ashamed at all and I love my ring and if being honest about this saves someone else a few bucks, wonderful! I told Robert when we met not to ever buy me expensive diamonds. I think it's ridiculous and a bit caveman-ish to put SO MUCH importance on something shiny. I also have ethical concerns with diamonds and wanted to avoid them if at all possible. Still, I do like a bit of bling, and when it came to my wedding ring, I wanted something of quality that would last. So we settled on a moissanite ring set in white gold from Helzberg. It's important that it be a Forever Brilliant moissanite, as the cheap ones can be green or yellow which is still pretty but not what I wanted for a wedding ring. This ring puts most diamonds to shame, I don't care what the diamond salespeople tell you. It is full of fire and sparkle and guaranteed to be this way forever because we got the lifetime care plan which my first sizing has paid for. I did extensive research on all diamond alternatives and settled on this as the best. A diamond ring of this size with this much fire and clarity could easily run as much as $10k, which would be a very stupid financial decision starting out our marriage, imo. I'm so happy with this choice and recommend it to anyone who doesn't want (or can't afford) a diamond. CZ goes cloudy, crystal doesn't last, but this is perfect. It is not a cheap alternative, but it's relatively cheapER and I think it's a smart alternative. I smile every time I look at it, and I love that he took me to get it Saturday.

THEN, we found the Lush store and he got me six new bath bombs (I was all out since the last time I got it was my birthday when Robert and Alex both treated me) which also made me very very happy. On the way home, we got some In N Out, which, even as a foodie, I still can't get enough of. I love that they let you order things literally however you want, which is great for my diet.

So, despite the relative lack of sex and spanking, it was a very romantic and enjoyable V-day. There was even a bedtime spanking when we got home.

Sunday was kink day. We did all the stuff that was planned for Saturday night. I made us brunch with the steak and champagne.

We watched some Orange is the New Black, because it's addictive as hell, and around 5 we started playing. It was intense. I cried, a couple of times. I also came a lot. When we were done, I had it in my head that it was around dinner time, like 7-ish. It was almost 10. That realization messed with my head a bit, but I guess I just lost track out there in subspace!

Today we did the 50 Shades thing, which brings us full circle to my review above. I did get spanked a bit leaving the theater, we figured it was appropriate given the film everyone had just watched. All in all, a lovely holiday weekend and first V-Day as a married couple. I look forward to many more. ♥

2014 Recap

I know I haven't posted in a long time. I have a million reasons, health, busy, getting married, procrastination. It is what it is. But I still like to check in now and then and update.

My big news these days, aside from the fact that I got married on October 5th and had a really cool honeymoon in Mexico, is that I have lost 40 lbs in the past 9 months. This wasn't about weight, I had to go on a special diet for health reasons, but it has been a side effect that I'm enjoying. I've written a lot about this on Fetlife, but it deserves a mention here too.

I'm just going to share a few photos with you, from the wedding, honeymoon, The Chicago Crimson Moon Halloween Party, holiday time, and of my new and ever shrinking body. I'll be posting a more wordy post shortly!

Spanked on Her Wedding Night - For Real, Video Available on lilystarr.com

Lighting our unity candle, I love his smile. :-)

Amoni from Fetlife is an incredible photographer. This is at LACMA in  Los Angeles.

Xcaret Eco Park where we honeymooned, I was a sweaty mess due to the climate, but what a beautiful place!

They had a spa where we got luxurious treatments on beds suspended in the water, so much fun!

Halloween party with my scene sis Alex Reynolds, photobomb by her boyfriend Paul Kennedy. :-p

Front of thighs caned with a metal cane at Crimson Moon, I was wearing a dolly costume.

Holiday Time at Disneyland with Alex!

Do you want to build a snowman??? :-)

One intense scene with my love!

Pixie Hollow at Disneyland with tattoo_fairy and Alex

Enjoying all the Christmas decor on Naples Island in Long Beach

Body evolution.

Yes, still topping professionally. Newest video release: Mike Caught Watching Foot Fetish Porn and Spanked!

Aaand it's June Already!

It's so easy to get out of the habit of updating. I was sick, then sick some more, and some more, then busy, etc. Excuses, I know. Anyway, I'm here now!

I suppose the biggest news I have right now is that we shot four new videos with Erica Scott last week. It was Robert's birthday and he loves big roller coasters (not I!) so I planned a trip to Magic Mountain for him. We stayed in Sherman Oaks the night before, with plans to have dinner at an Italian restaurant. Since we ended up staying pretty close to where Erica lives, I contacted her to arrange a shoot at the hotel. Since we had been on hiatus from filming for a few months, I had been missing it, and what top wouldn't want to spank Erica as part of their birthday festivities?

We all brainstormed ahead of time, and came up with some really fun scenes. The two ideas I had were for Robert to spank his meddling mother-in-law from hell, and then a woman into spanking whose new husband discovers her stash of spanking toys and magazines, after realizing that she has lied about been out with a friend because she was meeting someone for a spanking. Robert's idea was a scene where Erica is an office worker and he is her boss, she resents him because he is younger than she is, and has a terrible attitude, refuses to listen to him or give him any respect, etc. Erica's idea was for her to be a woman dealing with an IRS audit, who again has a bad attitude as well as terrible records and organization skills. She had the fun idea to bring a bag full of loose receipts, which she could and did dump over his head when he told her she needed to do something with them.

I released the tax audit video in both of my clip stores yesterday, it can be downloaded here or viewed as part of my flat rate monthly streaming plan which includes every video in my store here. I am working on editing the other three, and will be releasing them approximately once per week.

Erica is a pleasure to work with and brings so much more to her shoots than a butt to spank. She went above and beyond by bringing various props and ideas, always delivers witty dialogue, and can take a LOT of hard spanking. She's so professional that takes go quickly and editing is a breeze. I would highly recommend her to any producer looking for models.

The wife keeping the spanking secret from her husband was the last video we shot, and I feel it is going to be really excellent. It was by far the longest scene we shot, both Erica and Robert really got into their roles and made it an amazing scene with a realistic feel. I'm really looking forward to releasing that one, I think many among us with vanilla spouses will be able to relate and really enjoy it. I even hope it could spark communication between some such couples and help them understand each other better, maybe even try spanking together.

Anyway, lots of fun was had and I think we got some great content. Here are the stills I grabbed from the audit video:

After the shoot, Robert and I had a cozy and relaxed gourmet pizza dinner, I had a martini which amusingly hit me pretty hard since I hardly drink anymore. Lately, I have been gravitating more toward visiting San Diego, but I was reminded how much I really do love Los Angeles. There is a certain magic in the air that I just love. I think it's because I'm such a fan of old Hollywood, and it holds so much history from that era, plus it by nature attracts creative types, so it's a great vibe, for me. I know it has a very dark and ugly side, but I don't choose to allow that stuff into my reality.

Tonight, my friend and disciplinee(?) Chica and her daughter are coming down from the bay area to visit for a few days and kick off summer vacation. We sadly decided not to renew our Disneyland passes this year, because they raised the already high price considerably and it was just too much. We'll probably get them again in the future, as we had so much fun going there over and over the past year:

Our last Disney visit

For now though, we have Magic Mountain passes and Knott's passes which include Soak City water parks, and still are spending way less than we would have for Disney. So we're going to have a very busy few days of swimming and amusement parks because they want to do everything. Fun, but exhausting and a lot of driving, I just have to try to be sure to sleep enough. Today we will be finishing up cleaning and I'll need to get out to the store for a few last minute things. I enjoy having company, we don't entertain very often because our place is so small. I really can't wait until we have a house and are able to do it better! So that's happening today, which probably means I should wrap this up, get a little more sleep, and get to it. :-)

The Adventures Continue

I'll finish up the party blog eventually, if I can still remember anything. :-p

This past week has been crazy.

I had two great days in San Diego, several nice sessions and I even got spanked on a boat, how fun is that?! I don't have too many spanking firsts left anymore, but that was one of them.

Playing with my phone in my hotel room

Then, Friday, as I was just running a couple of errands with plans to de-stress for a little while at the beach before heading home, I got into a car accident. Yes, I'm fine and my car was drivable for which I'm very thankful since I was so far from home, but it required an insurance claim and will soon be in the shop for repairs as I ripped off half the bumper and tweaked the hood and frame. Being without a car in Southern California is the best, sigh. It was technically my fault, but truly an accident because I did look both ways before pulling out. I'm a very cautious driver. Blind spots due to parked cars. :-( It was my first accident with another vehicle ever. Fortunately the elderly lady I hit was very sweet and understanding. It felt awful! I'm very lucky and glad that nobody was hurt, I only got a small bruise on my knee.

Also, our bathroom had a nasty mold infestation and was supposed to be renovated during the three days I was out of town. While the mold is gone, it still isn't painted nor is the plumbing working properly in the new bathtub yet, a week later now. Workers have been in and out intermittently.

Finally, this recurrent sinus infection/bronchitis I've been battling for months came back full bore. I saw the doctor yet again this morning and am now on double antibiotics and got an order for sinus x-rays.

So, a bit of stress lately, minor glitches, but life is still good. ♥

Vegas Spanking Party: Part One

Again I apologize for the delay, I've again been quite ill. I'm on a 15 day course of heavy duty antibiotics and should be feeling better by tomorrow, when I am making another trip to San Diego for two nights to spank and be spanked!

So, the Vegas party. It's hard for me to write about these things, because the whole weekend tends to become one big blur of endorphins and exhaustion. Others such as Erica Scott, Alex Reynolds, and Richard Windsor have done a great recap, so check them out for more detail. I'll do my best here.

We arrived late Thursday afternoon after the 3.5 hour drive across the desert which Robert shortened to under 3, despite my horror at the speed he was maintaining. Got checked into the Suncoast, and relaxed in the room for a little bit as Joe and Ten were resting before receiving guests. We saw WearYouOut and LilLawBrat in the hallway which kicked off the excitement and the feeling that we were at a spanking party about to see a bunch of friends. By the time we freshened up a bit, it was time to head over to the suite party. The first people I remember seeing were Ten and Richard, hugs and smiles and already a lot of people were in the room chatting it up. I met a few new people I did not previously know, and greeted several who I did know. A highlight was meeting CaliKatarina and her husband H, who had been online friends since both of our early days posting our clips on Spanking Tube, but I was finally getting to meet in person. I think the only spanking I got that night was a hand spanking from Robert. I really wasn't up to much play that night after the long drive, plus we had to make a run to the airport at 9 to pick up Alex and, as it turned out, also stop at Dana Kane's house to pick up Kelley May, so by the time we got back I pretty much just wanted to go to bed. Robert was too excited for that though, saying, "I can't go to bed, people are still getting spanked!" I eventually convinced him to come to bed, considering we had four more days of this, somewhere around 1 or 2 am, I don't remember.

Honestly, my memory is fuzzy beyond this point. Friday evening the party was moved to the Presidential Suite. I remember arriving, fresh and clean and ready to play this time, and taking this picture with Alex:

With Alex Reynolds, in Our Babydoll Dresses Looking for Trouble!

I remember that I finally got a proper OTK hand spanking from Richard, and even got to wear his cowboy hat during. Aside from a brief sample of his Singapore cane in Chicago a couple of years ago, on Sunday as everyone was saying goodbyes, we have repeatedly discussed play and then proceeded to always miss each other coming and going at parties. So that was a highlight, even though we discussed playing more later in the weekend and in true fashion it didn't happen again as I hardly saw him the rest of the party. Also, we got no photos of this, what the hell? :-p Oh well, next time?

This party was fun in that it was smaller, and there were a few other people who are online friends, who I've been to multiple other parties with and wanted to play with them, but it never happened. Even if the scenes weren't super intense, I at least caught up with them all and we got to finally play. They included Tony Trystero, RodneySpanksHard, and Joe, DrLectr himself. With the exception of Rodney, they all got me on Friday night, along with -lostkitten's (Zoey) play partner It'snature (Ed) and Robert. The party had definitely started and I was well roasted and developing some yummy marks.

This seems as good a time as any to pause, as I have some errands I have to handle today. Next blog will recap Saturday through Monday.

Quickie

Well, I just got back from what's being called the "Fifty Freaks" weekend due to a humorous story involving the hotel bellman. It was a small private spanking party in Las Vegas, and a lot of fun. I'm still really exhausted and sleep deprived, so I will blog about it in more detail later.

For now, here is the photo from my session in San Diego last month that I promised in my last update. :-)

February

Well, this month has certainly been flying by. I must apologize for the lack of updates. I've been sick most of the time since my last post, and busy during the small windows when I haven't been sick, if that's any excuse.

I was somewhat miserable on Valentine's Day because this stupid bug had just relapsed the day before, but we still managed to enjoy it. We figured out the trick to dining out on that holiday is lunch. Last year we went to the local Japanese restaurant for dinner and it was packed so we waited a very long time and had poor service. This year Robert only worked a half day and we went to the same place but for lunch. It wasn't any more crowded than your average day, and it cost less because of lunch specials! Then we came home and exchanged cards/flowers/chocolates.

Stargazer Lilies, of course.

For dinner we stayed in and I cooked up some steak and lobster tails and the most amazing dessert ever (if I do say so myself), Ghirardelli flourless dark chocolate cake with ganache, fresh raspberries and whipped cream on top.

The DIY approach gave us a private romantic evening in, and plenty of time for play after, yay lots of spanking! We had a great time doing it that way, and it's going to be our new tradition. Sorry, we never seem to take pictures of my marks anymore, should probably start doing that for the blog instead of all these vanilla pictures!

Gratuitous Chihuahuaface - Just Because

As a V-Day present, Robert also let me finally order my first corset! Naughty Freckles loaned me one of hers to wear at the Crimson Moon Halloween party a couple of years ago, and I loved it so much that I've been wanting one pretty badly ever since. Unfortunately, I guessed my size incorrectly, so I will have to do an exchange, but it's so pretty and I'm really excited to get to wear it and take some pictures to show you.

Stock Photo Courtesy of timeless-trends.com

I just got back yesterday from another overnight trip to San Diego for sessions. It was a lot of driving, there and back, plus a detour to Rancho Mirage on my way home, so I'm pretty wiped out. But it was fun, I made two naughty boys cry and got a pretty sound spanking myself! There were pictures of my spanked bottom taken after that - if I get my hands on them I will share.

San Diego is the best, the Ralph's store by my hotel had a whole aisle of this. Of course, I now own two new paddles. :D

One day of rest today, and then tomorrow it's back down to Palm Springs to pick up my friend Chica who is visiting from the bay area for a few days. Sunday we are going to Disneyland! She goes home Tuesday, then on Thursday Robert and I are off again, to Vegas to hang out with some awesome spanko friends and meet a few new ones over the weekend. Time, health, energy, and schedules permitting, some new videos are a possibility, but no promises.

I know I promised a meatier topical post about DD and me, and I'm still going to do that eventually when I have more down time/am in the mood, but for tonight I just needed to update to keep this thing fresh. Good night, Interwebs!

Adventures in Munching, Travel, Misc.

Yes, I'm posting again before Tuesday ends! Threats of beatings do wonders it seems. Well, crap. I just looked back and realized I last posted two weeks ago Tuesday. I was thinking that post was for the following week though, because I had already posted that week earlier. Does this make sense or am I in trouble?

Anyway, last week was busy for me, I made a trip to San Diego for two nights/three days to spank some naughty bottoms, but also did one bottoming session with a friend there which was fun.

Naughty Boy Mike Caned & Paddled by the Principal for Cheating on A Test - Video for www.lilystarr.com

Lily Punished by Stepdad for Breaking Curfew - Role Play

With Robert's blessing (of course), my friend in the second picture took me out on Friday night to check out a TNG munch down there. I really wanted to go, it involved sushi, my favorite, I'd never been to a munch, and it sounded fun. However, as I have found when trying to attend BDSM events at other times, I just do not fit in with that culture. It's entertaining to observe, but it's not MY scene. Spankos really are a distinct breed. Yes, I know spanking is a BDSM activity, I'm not one of those who argues that, but for whatever reason, the tone of our social events is different.

It's not that people weren't nice, they were, and several even took the initiative to introduce themselves which I certainly appreciate. But I ended up sitting off to the side with my friend most of the time, not feeling like I belonged, much like attending a vanilla event with nice people. Part of it could be that I'm already known and accepted in the spanking community, whereas the BDSM folks don't know me from Eve. I am shy, and it definitely helps when people already feel some familiarity when approaching me and we have clear common ground from the get go. Yes, I do like to be the movie star, in juxtaposition with said shyness. Also, meeting at a restaurant like that rather than a play party was odd for me. You have the knowledge that everyone is kinky, but the setting is vanilla. I don't know, I don't think munches are my thing, maybe not even if they were for spanking enthusiasts. It was a really cool patio space and there were tons of people there. Probably a great event if it is your thing.

Overall, the munch experience was kind of a fail for me, as far as connecting with anyone new, and the place never brought us our sushi order. So, we went to my favorite sushi spot in the area instead and shared a couple of bomb rolls, then went back to my hotel where I bartered with my friend a custom spanking clip for a massage to help me sleep as he's a licensed therapist. Yeah, I kinda love my job sometimes, I had to get spanked and then massaged before resting up for the drive home, what a deal. Good end to my working vacation, and since the trip went well and as I discussed in my last post I am looking to focus more on my private session work this year, I plan to make monthly visits to SD as long as I have work to support it.

I love it there, if you have to be stuck in traffic, this is certainly the ideal view!

Robert and I also have a move in the works for this year, we plan to buy a house by summer. It's currently up in the air whether we will have to stay where we are or may be able to move a bit closer to the Temecula area. Personally, I am very much hoping for the latter option because our location right now is simply inconvenient for everything, but it will depend mainly on his work, whether he is able to transfer to that area.

After I got home, Robert's day off was Sunday and we went down to the Palm Springs area to catch a movie and eat (more for me!) sushi. The sushi wasn't very good, we will probably not visit that place again. It's difficult to find decent and decently priced sushi in the desert. The movie we saw, Flight, was good I thought, but a bit darker than we expected going in. Denzel Washington turned in a great performance as an alcoholic/drug addict/pathological liar. I won't spoil it or anything, but it made me cry so much that my eye makeup was ruined for dinner! Also, I may panic the next time I try to go on an airplane flight.

The American Horror Story season finale is this week! I admit I'm kind of obsessed and nerdy about that show. I have a lot of fun trying to guess what will happen and watching it play out in shock, awe, and horror. It's not a perfect show, they have kind of pissed me off with anticlimactic endings to the story lines this season, but there is nothing else like it on TV and I enjoy it. Plus, it's very kinky!

My bad Chihuahua won't stop barking at our obnoxious neighbors, so I'm going to wrap this up because he's not allowing me to think.

My Bad Chihuahua, Buster -  He's Also An Activist

Next time, I plan to write about my journey as a spanko, submission, and what it means to me in my current real life DD relationship vs. my original fantasy of seeking a DD relationship. Same time, same channel!

Spanking Career 2.0

I've been having a lot of thoughts and feelings lately about what I do for work. I originally got into the spanking video industry because spanking is one of my very favorite things in the world, as is acting. I always dreamed of being a movie star, since I was a little girl. This gave me the opportunity to live that dream, but in such a small community circle that I am still unknown to the general population. I like it that way, because I might lose my mind if I couldn't walk down the street without being harassed, ever. 

Me with an awesome giant statue of Marilyn Monroe in Palm Springs last weekend

Sarah Gregory Spanking and Lily Starr Spanking Collaboration

Videos are so much fun. I've gotten to act out nearly every spanking fantasy I could ever imagine, and then some. The community has been amazing, welcoming me with open arms, and laps, at all the parties I've been able to attend. I've been fortunate enough to work with some really amazing models, many of the top names in the scene plus newcomers who will soon be top names in the scene. I didn't get to do this because I offer lucrative sums of money, but because they are real spankos and good friends who were happy to work with me and help me out. That means so much, and anyone who thinks fetish models are all shallow greedy bitches is so sorely mistaken. I've also received so much support from the community as a whole and I appreciate the hell out of all of this. I love what I do.

Spanking Ten Amorette for Lily Starr Spanking

Spanking Alex Reynolds for Lily Starr Spanking & Alex in Spankingland

Spanked by Stevie Rose for www.lilystarr.com

There are many more, I can't post all of them in one blog, but yes, I've been really lucky to work with the best.

So, what's the problem? Repetition. There are only so many good spanking video scenarios. I've done pretty much all of the traditional ones, from both the top and bottom perspective and sometimes redone with small tweaks to make it a little different with a different model. I've also done lots of more unusual scenes. Yes, occasionally I still have a somewhat original idea that I get excited to film, or sometimes there will be a real issue Robert needs to spank me for, though most of our play happens off camera, so sometimes there are things to film. However, the video business is somewhat like getting on a treadmill. You can't stop turning out content if you want to make a living at it. And while I love being able to hire other models to shoot, even at the low end rates I'm able to pay I have to put a large percentage of my profits right back into the shoots, especially once travel and a hotel for shooting is factored in. Sales aren't that great, clips4sale and Spanking Library both take 40%, it's just tough. It's a lot of effort to make just a few hundred bucks each month, not even enough for financial independence. The rate at which I need to make videos for it to make sense for me to keep going is not conducive to creativity. Not to mention that as I age, I realize I will likely be less marketable. We can't all be Erica Scott. I need a long term plan and I need to stop and regroup.

 “I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away.”
-Heath Ledger 

Just walk away? No, probably not entirely. But I do need to get back to having fun with it and that may mean a step back. It shows in the videos if you're really having fun and not just going through the motions. I've made around 300 videos since I started in 2008. That's an awful lot. I wanted to be a spanking video star and producer, I've done that now. I'm not quitting altogether, I know I would be unhappy if I did that. This is more of a refocus. I often toy with the idea that I should just give up all this nonsense, find security in a steady vanilla job and move on. But I honestly can't see myself doing that either. 

Fun Joker Kidnapping/Spanking vid I did with Kyle Johnson & Kat St James in 2009

The answer? For me, for now, it's private sessions. I have been doing these for a few years now, and have always seen it as a supplement to my video work/income. The truth is, the sessions are a lot more rewarding financially. They are also rewarding emotionally since I get to meet a lot of great spankos, and give them something that they truly need. The best is when I meet someone shy who has never ever been spanked before and has come to me for that first experience, what an honor! They give me the opportunity to travel. I'm always meeting new people and trying new things. I realized recently that it would probably make sense for now for me to step off that content production treadmill, breathe a bit, and make the sessions more of my main occupation with videos as a little fun thing I do on the side, rather than the other way around. There are still a few models I'd love to shoot with, or shoot with again, but right now I think the majority of the shooting I do will be content share shoots with friends. And I won't shoot a video unless it's a concept that really appeals to me, something I will enjoy making and sharing and not just a job. Art can't be just a job or it will be bad art. It needs passion. I need to get that passion back and I think this is the way to do it. Quality over quantity.

Session with my friend TJ in Chicago

Bottom line: I'm going to be marketing myself more as a pro switch (and mostly a Top) than a video model. I will still occasionally put out videos, when I want to and have something worth filming. I will always be up for helping out friends who need content and want to collaborate and share. I'm still open to shooting with any company that would like to hire me. It just won't be the main thing I do, the thing I need to do to survive. 

Hmm

Changed my mind, I don't think I will use this to air all of my personal business, that just wouldn't be appropriate. Those anonymous blogging days are over. They were fun and served a purpose as an outlet that I really needed at the time. This is a new chapter of life and trying to get back something from the past never works.

Not that I have readers anyway, I suppose I sort of screwed that up by not posting for YEARS.

Please bear with me as I try to get the hang of this and find my groove. :-)