Robert saw my post the other night, so now I must start updating regularly, because he's the boss of me. I wanted to do it anyway and needed that little bit of motivation, so it's a good thing. We agreed on once a week, by Tuesday each week since my last post was on Tuesday. I think this is fair and a good schedule to keep my blog active. I just hope I can think of enough things to write about to keep it going and not get into trouble! I have a few posts rattling around in my head already, so should be safe for at least a month.
Blogging is something I've enjoyed for years, since long before I was active in the spanko community. My first was a vanilla Blogspot account, over ten years ago. Then I moved over to Blurty for awhile, and finally LiveJournal when everyone pretty much abandoned Blurty. I used them as a diary and to vent, shared my deepest secrets and personal feelings that nobody offline knew about or could know about. They were private and I would have been mortified if anyone I actually knew were able to read them. I enjoyed a fair amount of popularity and a pretty good following, even met some friends from those sites in real time. Unfortunately, the more people who actually knew me who read my blogs, the harder it was for me to be open and honest about my feelings because I started fearing what they would think of me or of what I said about them if I was talking about something we did together. My blog suffered as a result, became less interesting, and eventually I stopped writing altogether. I've tried a few times to keep a spanking related blog but insecurity and worrying what my peers will think has made that difficult too. In the past my spanking "blogs" have turned into a place to post fantasy stories I wrote rather than anything about my personal feelings.
Is this boring? Do I sound stupid or ignorant? Why would anyone care about the trivialities of my life, thoughts, and feelings? Who do I think I am anyway? How many "I"s have I written in this post? What a lame self absorbed annoying...
Those are the thoughts in my head when I try to write about my life.
I share this now, because embarking on this journey I know I'm going to have a hard time with it for the same reasons. It's something I need to work on anyway, that fear that the real me will displease others, and I can't think of a better way to do that than writing and hopefully using this tool to interact with my friends and maybe even get to know them better, maybe even make new ones too. Hopefully my age and experience now will make it easier. I am much more comfortable in my own skin than I was ten years ago and it should only improve from here. Still, I am quite shy and insecure. I don't let what other people think change anything as far as who I am, what I believe, or what I do, but I certainly often let it keep me from voicing those things. It's a work in progress.
This blog is intended for my spanko friends, but I think it will be best if I can get back to using it as a sort of venting tool as well as a record of what I'm doing in my life currently. Not every post will necessarily be about spanking, though it will certainly be mentioned often as it's a huge part of my life from my relationship with Robert to my work.
The public nature of this site does cause me a little bit of hesitancy. I wouldn't want just any vanilla from the non-spanko part of my life to run across it. Is that a risk others consider? Do you think it's a legitimate concern or highly unlikely to have that happen?
In conclusion, here's a pretty picture of my New Year's Eve flowers that Robert surprised me with, because pretty pictures improve any post, right? :-)
6 months ago